Emotional Life Insurance Certificate

Written by Janet Meyers

ARE SECURITY AND ASSURANCE MISSING FROM YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

Maybe the problem isn't with you or your loved ones, maybe you need the

*EMOTIONAL LIFE INSURANCE CO., INC.

For the Lesbian who wants to insure to be sure

NOW AVAILABLE: NO FAULT INSURANCE Covering relationships which terminate with the acknowledgement of suffering by all parties; when all agree that "it was just one of those things."

Specializing in:

*High risk non-monogamous relationships: those relationships which direct attention and energy towards more than one lover.

*High risk monogamous relationships: those relationships which direct all attention and energy toward one lover.

*High risk high-intensity relationships: those relationships demanding a level of involvement which challenges emotional and physical endurance.

*High risk cross-class relationships: those relationships which seek to transcend the boundaries of class/race which have been created by 40,000 years of patriarchal oppression

*High risk class bound relationships: those relationships which seek to reinforce the class attitudes and comfortable prejudices of each partner.

*High risk astrologically incompatible signs relationships: those relationships which fly in the face of all astro-logical guidelines.

*High risk low intensity relationships: those relationships which seek to perpetuate themselves despite the evidence that "it's no big thing"

SERVICES

GRIEF COUNSELLING: rebuilding shattered egos, with your choice of therapeutic techniques:

1. Radical

2. Reichian

3. Rolfing

4. TA

5. Herbal

6. Acupuncture

7. Peer Counseling

8. Gestalt

9. CR

20 FREE VISITS

OPPRESSION RECOGNITION:

In cases where patriarchal oppression proves to be fatal to the relationship, EMOTIONAL LIFE will provide rage therapy and training in retaliatory tactics.

In instances of loss or damage of relationship due to theft, geographic separation, political differences or cosmic or karmic disaster, EMOTIONAL LIFE will provide you with an interim companion on a per Diem basis to tide you over until your next insurable romance.

Our special Lesbian representative will help you in gaining the the necessary skills in:

1. Bar room chatter

2. Politically correct statement of every persuasion for every occasion.

3. Choosing the right "look" for your community.

Ask about special low rates for Lesbians with proven long-term relationship ability.

Group plans available. Write for our threesome rates.

Lower rates for women with Community-approved credentials in communication skills (verbal, sexual or psychic.)

EMOTIONAL LIFE  is an equal opportunity employer of B/F.

EMOTIONAL LIFE reserves the right to cancel policies at any time at the slightest provocation